March 09, 2013

More Esoteric Writer Humour

Following the acclaimed success of my post at AWP 2011, listing the top ten conference panel titles... Today I present: the top ten questions asked in the Q&A session after AWP conference panels.

10. "Can someone please speak to the idea that people always ask panelists to speak to ideas?"

9. "I'm writing a book similar to yours. Do you think it will get published?"

8. "I thought it was interesting that your writing process is so involved. Someone—I think it was Peter Ho Davies—once wrote an essay about writing processes. My own writing process is I think very similar to yours in some ways, but also very different in others. I once tried writing a story entirely in iambs. How do you find time to write?"

7. "Could you please say something pithy that I can quote ad nauseam at parties, in speeches, on Facebook, etc., for the next twelve years?"

6. "Your book has a lot of strong themes. Did you consciously set out to write a book with themes?"

5. "Do you like this bow in my hair?"

4. "I'm writing a book similar to yours. Do you think your agent would represent it?"

3. "Could you please say something about your writing process that I can co-opt, in the hope that it will get my own writing published or maybe at least get me laid?"

2. "Someone—I think it was Peter Ho Davies—once said that writing was like a cat. Do you agree?"

1. "I'm writing a book similar to yours. Can you speak to that idea?"

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