October 28, 2011

October 25, 2011

Making A Meal Of It

I really don't want to attract yet more recycling traffic to my blog, but I really couldn't go without commenting on this.

From The New York Times: Lunch, Landfills and What I Tossed
It was warm and sunny on a recent Tuesday and the lunchtime crowd in Bryant Park was in full swarm. Hundreds of Midtown workers sat on the grass or at round outdoor tables sunbathing, talking on cellphones and typing away on laptops.

But mostly they ate — sushi, pizza, chicken pesto salads, turkey club sandwiches — and much of their food came in plastic containers that had no place to go but into the trash.

As any befuddled, frustrated and guilt-ridden environmentally conscious New Yorker knows, takeout food and its containers — salad bar and deli clamshells; plastic cups and utensils; yogurt containers; fancy three-compartment bento boxes — are the bane of this city’s would-be recyclers. They might reuse plastic shopping bags until they rip and religiously bundle every newspaper and magazine for recycling pickup, only to be undone by lunch.

“There’s nothing I can do,” said Doug Richardson, 25, an accountant eating a chicken salad from a deep plastic bowl.
Um, yes there is, person quoted in New York–section article that proceeds for another 2,500 words as if buying take-out for lunch every day is an unfortunate but completely inevitable facet of basic human biology: BRING YOUR OWN G-D LUNCH FROM HOME IN A REUSABLE CONTAINER.

What's that? No—you do have time. Plenty of time. Take the five minutes you spend standing in line at a fast food joint every lunch break and use it to make some sandwiches or scoop some leftovers into a tupperware in the morning, instead.

Oh, I see: you get the food delivered straight to your office precisely to save that precious time. Well, in that case, why don't you take the five minutes you spend every day feeling guilty about all the plastic crap with which you're clogging landfills, and use that to make yourself lunch?

By the way, if you don't think recycling is important that's fine with me, and knock yourself out ordering take-out three times a day. What pisses me off is this whiny liberal "oh-my-god-isn't-it-so-awful-what-we're-doing-to-the-planet-we-have-to-do-better-say-is-that-a-Thai-place" bullshit.

For God's sake, even if you just ordered extra take-out for dinner at night and then took the leftovers to work in a tupperware, you could at least drop the containers in your recycling bin at home instead of throwing them out in the disgustingly full trashcans in Bryant Park. Wait—what?
City officials say residents sort less than half of all materials that could be recycled [at home]; most items are improperly discarded in the trash.
FFS. Most sophisticated city in the world my eye.

October 21, 2011

October 14, 2011

October 13, 2011

It's A Vicious Circle Made Out of Three Arrows

Okay, so, in May of 2009 I wrote a post on this blog where I accused Saturday Night Live of recycling jokes. This seemed like such an innocuous, banal, and, ironically, unoriginal observation that I didn't think much of it. But then I started getting a bunch of Google traffic from searches for actual jokes about recycling, presumably from people writing the worst high school reports ever. So to indulge them, in June of 2009, I wrote another post with some actual jokes about recycling.

That was probably my downfall.

See, these jokes I wrote were bad. Intentionally bad, as a sort of meta-commentary on bad jokes. I just had a lot more spare time on my hands back then and thought I'd piss away a few minutes with some self-indulgent silliness.

Anyway, since then "recycling jokes" has pretty much constantly been my top search referral every month. Like, literally, each of the twenty-something months since June 2009, more people have come to my blog looking for recycling jokes than anything else. (This month my runner up search referrals were "anal retentive" and "kafkaesque," which seems strangely appropriate.)

And, I guess inevitably, an actual recycling website finally stumbled on that stupid post. AND MISSED THE WHOLE FREAKING POINT.

To wit, from Earth911.com: ‘Recycling is No Joke’ Video Contest Launches:
Q. Did you hear the one about the aluminium recycling plant? A. It smelt!

Think you have a better recycling joke than this?
Hey, Earth911.com: bite me. Of COURSE people have better recycling jokes than that, because none of my jokes were even really recycling jokes! They were pretentious postmodern meta-crap riffing on the predictability of a certain genre of humour. (Sorry about that, by the way.)

But since I'm apparently doomed to be read only by people who don't get that, here is an honest-to-God RECYCLING JOKE that I came up with all by myself:

Two plastic bottles walk into a bar with their dog, and the bartender says: "Sorry, we don't allow PET."

SPLABANGO! Now leave me the hell alone.

October 07, 2011