March 17, 2011

If The Shoe Fitz...

As you probably know, I find St Patrick's Day ridiculous. Mostly that's because I don't even remember being aware of its existence until I moved to America, but it also strikes me as weird to celebrate Irish culture by doing something as arbitrary as wearing green — which nobody actually does all that much in Ireland, to my knowledge.

So here are some alternative, more meaningful ways to celebrate Ireland this year:

•Run yourself into billions of dollars of debt by building more houses for yourself than you could ever possibly need.

•Play a bizarre and often violent sport whose rules and/or point seems to defy explanation.

•Be the twentieth-largest island in the world.

•Let a bunch of foreigners into your home to help do some renovations, then be unreasonably angry when you decide you don't want the renovations after all and the people won't leave without being fed.

•Walk around town enabling as many alcoholics as you can by claiming that excessive drinking is part of your cultural heritage.

I am a curmudgeon. And now I am going to a bar to drink excessively. HOWEVER, that is because I drink excessively EVERY Thursday.

And because, you know, I'm Scottish and that's part of my cultural heritage.

1 comment:

Dye! said...

Since 99.48% of Ireland consists of fields of grass, the Irish don't wear green in order to avoid getting hit by cars.

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