October 28, 2010

You Take The Highbrow

From BBC News: Scottish university graduates 'should pay'

Oh, they'll pay, alright — this is the country where students drink vodka through their eyes.
The body representing Scotland's university principals has said students may have to pay towards the cost of their degrees after they graduate.

Universities Scotland said higher education should be "free at the point of entry and throughout their study".

But graduates earning reasonable salaries should be asked to pay.
Oh my God, people with a university education having to help fund universities! How... practical.

Scottish First Minister Susan Boyle Alex Salmond has ruled out a return to tuition fees, but has promised to provide a "uniquely Scottish solution" to the issue of higher education funding — and seeing as I've already made an alcohol-related joke about this story, I'm forced to conclude that this solution will involve heart disease in some way.

The Scottish Tory leader criticised Salmond's prevarication on the issue, saying "he's like some latter-day Nero strumming out 'Gaudeamus igitur' on his fiddle while tongues of flame reach out to our universities."

Blimey. Sounds like someone better get out the chequebook.


Side note: what kind of search algorithm makes a Google image search for "jowls" turn up pictures of jowls, but a Google image search for "MALE jowls" turn up a lot of porn?

October 22, 2010

October 15, 2010

October 14, 2010

Make Miner Pun

Seen on Netscape:

Wah-wah. I think they're familiar with that particular challenge already.

Other hilarious headlines:

"Experts warn miners may get the shaft"
"Experts warn of a mother lode of problems"
"Experts warn of perils of light at end of tunnel"
"Experts warn return to real world could be explosive"
"Experts warn of seamy life of celebrity"

And, of course:

"Experts warn of dangers of rock star lifestyle"

October 11, 2010

Stay Tuned For MLA Limericks

The sixteenth edition of the Chicago Manual of Style was released last month, and to mark some of the important changes introduced in this new edition, plethoric pundigrions is proud to present the following CMS-inspired poetry.

Capitalization Of "Web" And "Internet"
Chicago now prefers
web, website, web page
And so forth —
With a lowercase
But capitalize World Wide Web
And Internet.

Names Like iPod
Brand names that begin
With a lowercase letter followed
By a capital letter
Now retain the lowercase letter
Even at the beginning
Of a sentence or heading.

Names Ending With An "Eez" Sound
Names like Xerxes
Or Euripides
Now form the possessive in the usual way —
With an apostrophe

Note Numbers With Subheads
Chicago no longer objects
To note reference numbers
Or symbols appended to subheads.

Headline-Style Capitalization
In general,
Chicago no longer recommends making exceptions
For short or unstressed words
Or to avoid
The occasional

No wonder I'm not friends with any poets.

October 08, 2010

October 05, 2010

Adventures In Babysitting

From AOL ParentDish: Are Tweens Really Ready to Babysit?

Short answer: no. Long answer: oh my God, no.
Forty percent of younger babysitters report they had left children unattended while babysitting, and 20 percent say they opened the door to strangers . . .

The good news? Nearly all (98 percent) of 11- to 13-year-old babysitters know who to contact in the event of an intruder.
So, after opening the door to an intruder, 2% will then stand around scratching their heads about what to do next. And this is the good news?
The vast majority [also] know who to contact if a child is poisoned (85 percent).
Though, I mean, if you've managed to poison a baby to the point where it is visibly suffering, and you're still not sure what you should be doing about it, the right person to contact is ANYBODY.
Ten percent of the young babysitters reported having a personal experience with an emergency requiring a call to 911; 10 called 911 after a child sustained injuries from a significant fall, eight due to a house fire, six because a child had profuse bleeding from a laceration and six because of a significant head trauma.
Good GRIEF. What are these babysitters doing to keep their charges occupied? Significant falls? Profuse bleeding? HOUSE FIRES?

This might all seem pretty alarming, until you consider the picture that the authors of the study released showing a typical tween babysitter:


October 01, 2010