June 27, 2010

Löw and Behold

Has anyone noticed the striking similarities between man-of-the-hour German soccer manager Joachim Löw and Zach Carey, Kyle Maclachlan's iconic role in 1995's epic drama Showgirls?

June 26, 2010

Live From The Frozen Tundra Of Hell

From AOL News: Former Vice President Dick Cheney Hospitalized
WASHINGTON (June 25) -- Former Vice President Dick Cheney was admitted to the hospital Friday after experiencing discomfort.
Cheney was dangling jerky above injured puppies, as he usually does on Fridays, when he felt a strange, uncomfortable twinge — feared to be a conscience — in his chest.

When the sight of an Iraq war dossier lying on his bedside table exacerbated the feeling of discomfort, his family braced for the worst.

He remains under observation, and potentially internal moral guidance, at George Washington University hospital.

June 25, 2010

June 23, 2010

Hoi Polloi

47% think World War III will be the cure for cancer.

Incidentally, this really is the stupidest poll ever conducted. What exactly is the supposed benefit in asking a bunch of random people what they think might happen in the future? Here are some other results:

•84% of people think they will have breakfast tomorrow.

•41% of people think it might rain this week.

•68% of people think they are hungry.

•27% of people think some things are good and some things are bad.

•91% of people are indifferent about some stuff.


Next time, why don't we take the money it will take to conduct a poll like this and put it towards actually finding a cure for cancer?

June 19, 2010

I'll Put Money On It

Um... "I'm a professional gambler"?

June 18, 2010

June 17, 2010


From AOL Health: Obese Woman Lack Sex Partners; More Likely to Get Pregnant Accidentally
Experts interviewed nearly 10,000 French men and women aged 18 to 69 about their sexual experiences and analyzed the results based on their Body Mass Index. . . .

[R]esearchers found obese women had more trouble finding a sexual partner than their normal-weight counterparts, though the same wasn't true for obese men . . .

Nearly 70 percent of fat women reported having a partner who was also heavy, while only about 40 percent of fat men had a similarly proportioned partner. . . .

"Maybe women are more tolerant of tubby husbands than men are of tubby wives," said Kaye Wellings, a professor of sexual and reproductive health at the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine and one of the BMJ study authors.
Hmm, yes, excellent hypothesis — or maybe, when you ask men and women to self-report on their sexual successes or lack thereof, men are more likely to LIE ABOUT IT.


June 11, 2010

June 09, 2010

Do Bears Give The Pope Wood?

Spam asks:
Can penis pill give you a bigger penis?
I mean, if it can't, on what basis are you calling it a penis pill?

June 08, 2010

Oh Snap!

From PopEater: Chris Brown Denied Entry to Great Britain for Tour
Chris Brown has been denied entry into Great Britain on the basis of his past assault conviction, meaning he'll have to postpone a small concert tour there. . . .

The singer tweeted the news, but has since removed that message. However, he's been letting fans know how bummed he is about the decision.

"U ever feel like the storm clouds are too thick for any sunshine to get through?" he mused on Monday.
1. Look, Brown, don't try and blame this on Elyjallakoalatutelage — this is about you being a partner-beating scumbag.

2. Aw, you're bummed? I wonder how f*cking Rihanna felt. Maybe next time you want to tour internationally you should think twice about dishing out the shiners.

Now if only we could get Britain to expel Gordon Brown, we'd be all set.

June 05, 2010

Is That Something Ballerinas Wear?

I woke up today to discover that someone had left a comment on this blog entry from almost five years ago, in which I sarcastically (shocking, I know) poked fun at the idea of "liberal media bias" by showing two news articles that displayed, I thought at the time, conservative media bias. (N.B. My idea then seems to have been that pro-military patriotism = die-hard conservatism, which on reflection is probably about as oversimplified as the sorts of statements I was complaining about, but live and learn.)

ANYWAY, said (anonymous) commenter apparently took me for an actual die-hard conservative and left this charming note:
lol Fucking Conservatard. Jesus is rotting in the ground, bro.
This leads me to believe that he or she is:

(a) Too stupid to grasp basic sarcasm, and

(b) Too stupid to "engage" in political debate except through parroting offensive catchphrases that really have no bearing on what anyone else is actually saying.

Both of these things, of course, are endlessly depressing, and so I would like to offer the following few observations as a means of, well, not rebuttal exactly — but hopefully some sort of illumination.

First of all: "conservatard"? "Jesus is rotting in the ground"? "Bro"? What place do any of these words and phrases have in a political discussion that is both meaningful and civil (i.e. the only kind of political discussion that is actually able to produce positive results)? Answer: NONE. FFS.

Second of all: what exactly is the complaint, here? In the absence of anything actually addressing what I wrote, I am going to assume that the commenter's main problem is that people exist who hold and occasionally express differing opinions than him or her, which seems pretty ridiculous coming from someone who is presumably a self-identified "liberal".

Third of all: what exactly is the intended effect of this comment? That the allegedly conservative author of the blog post will suddenly say "Good grief! I've been wrong all these years!" and immediately vote for healthcare or whatever? Because, let me tell you, there is not a lot in that comment that would accomplish such a thing. Instead, it seems like the intention was to be unnecessarily offensive and to feel self-important — which the commenter may well have achieved, but only at the expense of looking like a douchebag and setting political discourse back another few years. (Though I suppose at this point, who's counting in years?)

In summary, I fucking loathe people like this and would like to reiterate what already I've said elsewhere: unless you have something intelligent to say, please sit on your hands and shut up and stop giving bloggers a bad name.

June 04, 2010