February 04, 2010

We're Number One! We're Number… Oh

From the front page of today's NY Times print edition: Coatbridge Journal - For Scots, a Scourge Unleashed by a Bottle
COATBRIDGE, Scotland — What is it about Buckfast Tonic Wine that makes it so alluring to consumers and yet so repulsive to politicians?

Perhaps it is its special caffeine-and-sweet-wine recipe, which allows overly enthusiastic consumers to be tipsy and bouncy at the same time. Perhaps it is its array of snappy nicknames, including “Wreck the Hoose Juice” — hoose being a Scottish pronunciation of house — [or] Coatbridge Table Wine (others call it “loopy juice,” or, adding their own twist as they channel Travis Bickle, “Who’re you lookin’ at?” wine.)
I'm so glad that Buckfast is the reason Scotland is bursting into the global public consciousness these days. After the whole Trainspotting thing we were really sitting in too positive a light.

Any other gems to stoke my patriotic spirit, NY Times?
On average, Scots age 16 and older drank the equivalent of 12.5 quarts of pure alcohol each in 2007, the eighth highest rate in the world.
(I think my own alcohol intake at sixteen probably accounts for about half of that.)
The drink is favored by young, rowdy men with a taste for making trouble — “neds,” they are called in Scotland.
[N.B. Women can be neds too, actually. We're an equal opportunities horrific binge-drinking culture.]
Hard-core aficionados drink two or three bottles in succession, right down. “They say it doesn’t taste the same out of a glass,” explained a passer-by, Martin Rooney, 48.

“It goes straight to your head,” he said, “but it’s not my cup of tea.” (Mr. Rooney noted that his cup of tea is half a bottle of vodka a night.)
Oh, COME ON! Where are you interviewing these people, anyway? The Paisley drunk tank on a Friday night? [N.B. The Paisley drunk tank = Paisley]

At least they didn't mention the knife crime.

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