January 03, 2010

Plus Ça Change...

While cleaning out some old boxes this week I came across a copy of The Freakin' Beakin' — a regular Emerson publication that satirises The Berkeley Beacon, that other, better-known (marginally) Emerson publication — from November 2001, when I was a freshman. The two cover stories are "Emerson Lacks 'Formula' For Diversity!!!" and "Liebergott Loses Emerson College", which I think could pretty easily appear on the cover of the Beakin' even today — a fact simultaneously comforting and depressing.

Anyway, the Liebergott thing made me LOL so much that I thought I'd republish a few choice sections for current Emersonians to enjoy — since the website for the Beakin' and Hyena (the student organisation responsible for it) seems to have become an ad for penis enlargement products. Either that or a really convincing but not in the slightest bit funny parody of one.
[On Friday night] President J. Slappy Liebergott lost the entire Emerson campus in an ill-fated poker wager. The "Dean of the Green" as she become known, was down several hundred thousand dollars when, in a desperate move, she bet the entire Emerson campus. […]

Dean Ludman, Dean of Ludmania, said, "Not to worry, the administration has been preparing for this contingent for some years now. A second Emerson campus has been secured and will be in operation shortly. Our alumni association has pooled their resources to buy a 1968 Chevy Impala, which is the same type of car that Coolio rode to the beach for his video, 'Fantastic Voyage.' Emerson students will still be getting the same hands on approach to communications, media arts, and Coolio that they were before."
Supplementary question: why is this so much more lucid than the papers of many of my freshmen?

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