December 17, 2008

Don't Tread On Me

In the past week I've been hit by two bikes.

Now, obviously, if I had to chose one form of transportation to be hit by twice in one week, I'd probably pick bicycle over pretty much anything else (though hot air balloon is a surreal enough image that I might be swayed that way, too). But really, I'd rather not be hit by any form of transportation, ever, so let me say this to all Boston cyclists:

Why don't you learn how to ride a fucking bike, already, huh?

Specifically, why don't you get it through your thick, rarely-helmet-clad skulls that when you are on a bicycle you CEASE TO BE A PEDESTRIAN! It is therefore highly inappropriate for you ride on sidewalks, particularly if you're in the habit of taking corners at twenty kilometres an hour without looking around for potential collisions or using a bell.

And, once you're on the street, where you belong, you actually have to (this'll be tough to grasp, I'm sure) OBEY THE RULES OF THE ROAD! That means you have to STOP at pedestrian crossings, ESPECIALLY when there are witty and attractive creative writing grad students using them as you pass.

And finally, take off those stupid lycra shorts. You look ridiculous.

Hmph.

3 comments:

M spaceholder said...

Yikes! Or should I say BIKES?!

Ken delivered a pretty amazing almost-pun on Monday, and I thought of you:

"185 thumbtacks walk into a bar
and one of them takes out a roll of antacids and hits them on the table, and the bartender says 'hey, no Tums thwacks'"
(this is as close as I can remember it)

M spaceholder said...

...there should be an exclamation mark after "thwacks." But I'm sure you can imagine how Ken would say it.

I'm glad you're ok, and see you Friday!

Kirjasvig said...

So you'd prefer pantless cyclists?
Oh my.

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