October 16, 2008

How to Shave Friends and Depilate People

Okay, so even though I know I'm pretty important and influential, that's not an opinion I'm used to other people expressing. You can imagine my delight, then, when the following email appeared in my inbox yesterday:
Hi, I'm writing from a PR firm to tell you about something that may be of interest to you or your readers at Plethoric Pundigrions.
Finally! The blog train has arrived! All these years of poring over obscure news articles, obsessively Photoshopping pictures of world leaders, and making Marxist in-jokes that barely anyone finds funny! It's all paid off!
It's called Shave Everywhere, a site that supports Philips' Bodygroom line of personal grooming or "manscaping" products.
Well, that's fantastic. The net worth of my entire creative oeuvre over the last five years is the opportunity to be a corporate shill for ball-trimmers. Please, tell me more.
Currently, the site has two areas, one featuring "the bathrobe guy," which launched last year to great acclaim . . .
"The Bathrobe Guy"? I think I heard about him on a documentary about sexual predators the other day...
The other is something new that just launched: the Manalogues, a series of performances to get men talking about "real life accounts from the frontlines of male bodygrooming."
Hmm... I don't even know where to begin with this one. Do they even have time to groom their back hair in Iraq?
If you're interested I'd be happy to get you a Bodygroom to try out for yourself.
Whoa. Free STUFF?! What say you, readers? Would you find the blog more enjoyable knowing that I were well "manscaped"? Or should I do what my parents always told me and not give my address out to strange women who write me unsolicited emails?

How sad would it be if this ended up being the peak of my writing career?


Claire said...

I've carefully weighed the options (you ordering a manscaper vs you not ordering a manscaper) and decided that you ordering a manscaper would be way more funny, for me.

So you should order a manscaper.

Anonymous said...

I am determined to read a blog entry about your "manscaping". I imagine its artistry would rival that of JMW Turner (where the M stands for Manscape).

Heinz Healey said...

I wonder how they derived your hairiness from your blog... Regardless, I think it's a good idea. Shaving things into you, I mean. Maybe some advertisements? Maybe you could diagram a sentence on your chest?

M spaceholder said...

Honestly, I'm just looking forward to an awkward moment when I see you in person and we both are thinking about your shaved balls.

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