November 04, 2007

Campaign In The Ass

From Newsvine: Clinton Says Criticism Goes With Lead
CONCORD — Hillary Rodham Clinton said Friday that her status as the Democratic presidential front-runner — not her gender — has led her male primary rivals to intensify their criticism of her.

"I don't think they're piling on because I'm a woman. I think they're piling on because I'm winning," Clinton told reporters…
Yes, excellent point, Hillary. Gender shouldn't have anything to do with the public debate over who can best run the country. I applaud your frank and enlightened take on the issue of gender in American life. Anything else to add?
"I anticipate it's going to get even hotter, and if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. I'm very much at home in the kitchen," she said.
Oh, good grief. I wonder what the rejects from her soundbite-making machine were.
"I anticipate the tactics in this race are going to get even dirtier. Thankfully I'm a dab hand with a duster."

"I anticipate that, in our media intensive society, the key to winning this election will be presentation. Thankfully, I've got some of the prettiest lipstick on the market."

"I anticipate that, in today's political climate, the successful candidates are the ones with the more socialist policies. Thankfully, I'm comfortable in pink."

"I anticipate that, as candidates start to panic and appeal to the lowest common denominator, the campaign is going to get even more dumbed-down. Thankfully… Well, you see the connection."
Clinton's comments come in the wake of her latest campaign push, which claims that the six men in the race constitute a "pile on" against Clinton, the only woman.

"Don't be preposterous," responded Barack Obama in a press conference. "Besides, six men one on woman is more correctly called a gangbang, not a pile-on."


Meanwhile, posterboy Republican douchebag Mitt Romney has launched a new TV ad attacking Clinton for her lack of experience. In the spot, Romney compares Hillary's time in the White House to an internship, saying:
She hasn't run a corner store. She hasn't run a state. She hasn't run a city. She has never run anything. And the idea that she could learn to be president as an internship just doesn't make any sense.
Of course, what does every American voter think when they hear the words "Clinton" and "internship" together in a sentence? Romney actually released a series of bumper stickers to go with the new campaign. They read:


Which, now that I think about it, has a nice ambiguity to it coming from Romney.

So, come on, Hillary, let's see some of that mature political dialogue in your response to this latest transgression:
"Governor Romney is a very experienced flip-flopper who has taken different positions on nearly every important issue facing the nation," Clinton spokeswoman Kathleen Strand said.
Seriously? Flip-flopping?

I tell you what, American Presidential candidates, I have an offer for you. I don't care who you are, Republican, Democrat, Huckabee, Kucinich… If there is a single one amongst you who can get to next November without using the word "flip flop", you have my vote, no strings attached. Hell, I'll even vote Cocksucker if he can keep himself and his five bratty boys from saying it.

Because, frankly, "flip-flopping" has so little to do with the practicalities of being President, I don't really care who you think is a flip-flopper or why. I just want to be able to read one news story about the campaign without wanting to slap myself in the face with a flip flop. Deal?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I bet Kucinich has never used that term because he's perfect.

Plus, he's a dream boat. Swoon.

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