August 05, 2007

This One's For Mariana

In previous years, I've oft dwelt fondly on Spank!, one of the Underbelly's late night mixed bill shows.

One of the show's gimmicks for which it has become increasingly famous is its Naked Promo spot; the deal is that anybody can get up onstage and promote their show for one minute, as long as they are completely naked (I suppose you could have guessed most of that).

I'll often drop into Spank! after my shift is over if I'm on in the evening, and I usually manage to do so right as the nudity is kicking off (there are frequently no shows so desperate for an audience that they'll strip down, but on those nights one of the comperes will get naked instead, following a particularly ill-conceived bet last year). Last night was no different.

I took a spot by the bar when I went in, next to a completely soused American wearing a blond wig and with a Lion Rampant wrapped around his shoulders. He had just been cut off by the bartender when the comperes began to explain the concept of Naked Promo and suddenly he was screaming out across the room:


He then strode towards the stage, still shouting, "DO YOU GUYS WANT TO SEE ME NAKED?!!?!!" [Audience: "No!"] "WELL TOO FUCKING BAD, I'M DOING IT ANYWAY!"

The comperes, by now completely unable to keep straight faces, helplessly stumbled off the stage and let the man set out how things were going to work:

"OKAY! When I say YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAW!, you say HEEEEEY!, and then I'll take something off!" [Audience: "Start with the wig!"] "And when I say MOTHERFUCKER! you say SHIT!"

The whole room descending into nervous laughter, he began his horrific striptease.

"YEEEEEHAAAAAAAW!" [Audience: "Hey."]

Unlike most people who get naked onstage and have to work up to full frontal, leaving the underwear for last, Drunky McGhee went straight for the money, and after maybe thirty seconds was standing naked from the waist down, but still in a blond wig and with the Lion Rampant around his shoulders. At this point the comperes came back on to try and usher him away.

"Do you actually have a show you want to promote?" one of them asked, "Or was this just for fun?"

"Hell yeah!" the man replied. "My name is Chris Walsh, and I'm in a show called The Walsh Brothers, on here every day at 6:30pm!"

He then left the stage, still naked from the waste down, sauntered back over to the bar, and said to the bartender, "Can I have a goddamn drink now?" The bartender agreed on the condition that, bless him, Chris Walsh put some pants on. Which he did, and we all lived happily ever after.


On an unrelated topic, from Newsvine:
Dairies Dump Milk on Radiation Threat

FALLON — Two dairy farms have dumped milk after the discovery of a naturally occurring radioactive isotope in 25 nearby drinking water wells.
Dumping milk… Is that the same as shitting bricks?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

That's my boy! What a delightful mental image.

Ok I think I'm firmly entrenched in creepy fandom now.

Thanks Andrew!

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