March 14, 2007

Flood Ties

From BBC NEWS | UK: Flood check plea as 1947 marked
The Environment Agency is urging people to check if they are at risk of flooding - 60 years after floods devastated parts of the UK . . .

Agency Chief Executive Dame Barbara Young said people at risk can sign up for free phone or fax flood warnings.
[Scene: a living room. Pauline and Kent are sitting on the couch. The phone rings.]

Kent: Hello? Hello? [hangs up] That's odd. There was nobody there.

Pauline: Maybe it was a telemarketer.

Kent: Maybe it was your damn mother again.

[The phone rings again.]

Kent: Hello? Maude, is that you? Stop doing this to us! . . . Oh, I'm sorry. Yes, this is Kent Dickens . . . The Environment Agency! Oh no! Is something wrong? . . . Oh, a fax. No, yes, this is the right number. Let me just plug the fax machine in . . . Yes, not at all . . . Yes, you have a nice day too. [Hangs up.]

Pauline: Who was it?

Kent: The Environment Agency. They want to send a fax.

[Kent gets up, walks to the other side of the room, and plugs the fax into the phone socket. After a few more seconds, it begins to ring.]

Pauline: Hey, do you hear that? It sounds like rushing water.

Kent: It's not rushing water, silly. It's just the the fax machine picking up.

Pauline: I think it's rushing water.

Kent: No, look, the fax is coming through now! It says... Oh, balls, the paper's jammed.

Pauline: [Looking out the window] Kent, I think we should get out of here. It looks like the river has burst its banks.

Kent: [Has the fax cover open and is trying to unjam the paper] Not. Until. The fax. Arrives.

Pauline: The Joneses from number eight are inflating a dinghy.

Kent: [Closing the fax, loading new paper] Pauline, this is no time for your crude euphemisms.

Pauline: Kent, there is a paddling pool forming in our living room.

Kent: [Staring intently at the keypad] Now, if I can just remember how to print from cache...

Pauline: And we just had this carpet installed. Ugh.

Kent: Okay! It's coming through now...

Pauline: For God's sake, I'm going.

Kent: Wait! It says...

Pauline: Goodbye, Kent.

Kent: [reading] 'You are at risk of flooding.'

[The door slams]

Kent: Gosh, what a great service!


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