February 18, 2007

More From the Hotscot Archives

Part two of my continuing efforts to make up for lack of actual blog entries by posting things I wrote years ago… Today, another piece of faux journalism written in response to the Supreme Court's 2003 ruling that a Texas anti-sodomy law was unconstitutional.

Washington, D.C.— In the wake of the historic supreme court ruling regarding gay rights, the United States media has been gripped by an epidemic of vaguely unsettling, mildly obscene headlines.

“Supreme Court Supports Gay Sex,” proclaimed USA Today, while the Boston Globe announced that the “Texas gay sex ban” had been struck down.

“I think the whole thing is very healthy,” explains MSNBC Gay Sexpert Gary Jones. “For years there has been something of an embargo on the use of the term ‘gay sex’ in the press. This just gives us all an opportunity to vent some steam.”

“Gay gay gay! Sex sex sex!” remarked the editor-in-chief of Newsweek in an interview with Connie Chung during her primetime special, ‘Gay Sex and You: How Will the Supreme Court Ruling Affect the Country?’.

Some conservative journalists are afraid, however, that the recent glut of gay sex references may act as a watershed, marking the beginning of a new, dirtier media. “Before long,” says Houston Chronicle Lifestyle Editor Hank McGraw, “we’ll be seeing headlines like ‘Butt Love on the Rise’, or ‘Congress Passes Ass-Fucking Bill’. Nobody wants to read about anal intercourse over Sunday brunch.”

Gay rights activists are cautiously optimistic about the recent trend. “I think it’s probably a good thing,” says Peter Smith, head of the organization Gay Rights Now. “I mean, look what happened with the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal. Whole generations can now converse freely and comfortably about oral sex, blowjobs, cocksucking, you name it. With any luck, gay sex could be the new fellatio.”
Adrienne made two great jokes yesterday! Let's all give her a round of applause.

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