Dear Andrew Ladd,
Hi. It's me again. Andrew Ladd. As you might remember, I first wrote you back in June, about going halvesies with me on the domain name andrewladd.com—which, because you're such a famous guy, had been snapped up by a cybersquatter and was being held hostage for $800.
I had high hopes, Andrew Ladd, I really did. After all, if Andrew Ladd can't count on Andrew Ladd, who can he count on, right? Besides, I figured that you'd see $400 as a pretty small price to pay, relative to your multimillion dollar annual salary, for snapping up some seriously good karma.
But you didn't, Andrew Ladd. I tweeted at you. My friends tweeted at you. My friends tweeted at your friends. It was like a freakin' aviary around here. And yet you didn't even take the time to reply with a polite no thanks. That doesn't really seem like the Canadian way, frankly, but hey: I can exercise some empathy here. You're a busy guy these days, training for the Olympics and captaining the league's newest franchise and (I hope) still taking a few hours a day to be with your wife and kid. I guess it can be tough to keep up with all the people tweeting at you. Probably you didn't even have time to read my last letter. To be honest, I kind of hope that soon I'll achieve the kind of success where I don't have time to read all the stupid shit people write about me on the internet.
Anyway, I'm writing all of this just to tell you that, when I didn't hear from you, my family kindly banded together and came up with the $800 to buy andrewladd.com for me as a Christmas gift. I guess that sounds like kind of a weird Christmas gift, but when I sat down to think about what I'd really found myself wanting this year, andrewladd.com was it. And so it's mine now. I own it. I already made a nifty author website to host there, too.
And just so you don't worry, I've made it clear that I'm one Andrew Ladd, and you're another, and we don't have anything to do with each other. It's right there in the title of the page: "the author, not the hockey player." So any confused hockey fan who visits andrewladd.com in the hope of finding out about your record this season, or your Team Canada prospects, or anything else about you, will see that they need to look elsewhere.
So that's it, Andrew Ladd. I guess we never need to correspond again. But if you want to drop me a line some day, I'd still love to hear from you. And hey, you know what? If you want one, I'll even send you a free copy of my book.
Yours in homonymery,