June 11, 2013

An Open Letter to Andrew Ladd

Dear Andrew Ladd,

First of all, congratulations on the really excellent name. I couldn't have done better myself.

Oh, sure, I'll admit I was a little miffed after your first Stanley Cup win, when you finally pushed my blog off the first page of Google results—but you know what happened next? You actually made my life better. All of a sudden it was so easy to make friends in bars ("Dude, you're playing hockey on TV!"). All of a sudden I had a go-to topic for small talk. And all of a sudden I also had another team to root for whenever, inevitably, the Bruins got knocked out.

So don't get me wrong, Andrew Ladd. I bear you no grudge. But here's the thing: I have a novel coming out in January and no official marketing budget, and it would be really great if I could own www.andrewladd.com so that people can find me easily and buy my book. (The domain name is especially important because, ahem, I'm no longer on the first page of Google results.)

Now, you're probably thinking: "Why is he telling me all this? I don't own that domain name either."

True: you don't. But some squatter was betting that you wanted it and snapped it up to fill with generic hockey links. Which means instead of being able to buy it for seven bucks on GoDaddy, I have to bid at least seven HUNDRED bucks for it in some BS online auction.

You may still be wondering why this is your problem, and I guess the short answer is: well, it isn't. But I was wondering if maybe, as a gesture of solidarity with Andrew Ladds everywhere, you would go halvesies with me anyway.

Try and put yourself in my shoes, Andrew Ladd: here I am newly married, living in the most expensive city in North America, and attempting to save whatever I can for a house and a kid one day—all while trying to make a career doing what I love, in an industry that is not renowned for its high salaries. And now I have to shell out $700 for a domain name, just because some other dude with my name has already made a successful career doing what HE loves?

It's not sour grapes, Andrew Ladd. But it still kind of sucks.

And that's why I'm suggesting we go halvesies. I'm not looking for a handout—I'm really not. It's not like I think you can just spend $350 without batting an eye. You have a wife, you have a kid—and I'm sure you have a lot of other expenses that I don't. I mean, if I earned $4 million a year, I would join a gym and a wine-of-the-month club, you know? Money has a way of spending itself. I don't hold that against you either.

I'm just saying, though, I wouldn't be in this situation if it weren't for your success. So why not spread that success around a little? I'll even share the domain with you! You kick in your $350, I'll kick in mine, and we'll make sure the front page for andrewladd.com is split in two: one half pointing to me and my book, and the other pointing to you and your multiple Stanley Cup victories (and whatever else you want to put up there).

As an added bonus, when your kid is old enough, you can show him the website (if websites are still a thing then) and teach him about the importance of cooperation, and sharing, and charity. I know that's what I'll do.

So what do you say, Andrew Ladd? What do you say?

Sincerely,

Andrew Ladd

P.S. Incidentally, if you're not Andrew Ladd and are reading this open letter anyway: hi! Great job understanding the point of open letters. Also: if you think Andrew Ladd should do me a solid, why not comment here and let him know? Or write about it on your own blog? Or tweet about it? Don't worry, I won't ask you for money; I'm too classy for that.

Except, you know, of course: you should really preorder my book.

Kisses,
Andrew

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