December 28, 2012

December 26, 2012

It's A Solar Panel For A Sex Machine

I wish I was mature enough not to laugh at The Baldy Center for Law & Social Policy, but when I was casually procrastinating on the web tonight and read about the center's renowned Baldy Fellows I really couldn't help myself.

(a) 75% of current Baldy fellows are, in fact, lusciously hirsute ladies.

(b) Baldy Center namesake Christopher Baldy looks like THIS.

Like, seriously. People probably saw him on the way to court and yelled, "Hey, Baldy, how's it going?"

Anyway, go support the Baldy Fellows because they do lots of good, socially conscious research blah blah blah. And they're way better than their counterparts at UC Santa Barbara, the Glabrous Chaps.

December 21, 2012

December 16, 2012

In Which Andrew's Head Explodes

From HuffPo: David Gregory: No Pro-Gun Rights Senators Would Go On 'Meet The Press'
'Meet The Press' host David Gregory said that no pro-gun rights senators would agree to go on the show on Sunday.

"We reached out to all 31 pro-gun rights senators in the new Congress to invite them on the program to share their views on the subject this morning," he said. "We had no takers."

...CBS's Face The Nation ran into the same problem on Sunday:

"Face the Nation" invited on politicians who oppose gun control, including representatives from the NRA, but they declined the program's requests.
This is seriously the most fucked-up, infuriating, irresponsible, cowardly, bullshit piece of bullshit that has ever happened. What's that, gun lobby? You think it might be difficult to look rational while also arguing against gun control this week? Hey: too goddamn bad.

If you truly believe that gun control is a bad idea, then this week, of all weeks, is precisely the time when you should grow a pair and defend the shit out of your position. Notwithstanding my own belief that arguing against gun control is FUCKING IRRATIONAL ALL OF THE TIME, I respect your right to say otherwise in a public forum — but ONLY if you will do so even when it will make you look tone-deaf and insensitive and idiotic.

Because, if you can do that — if you can sit there with a straight face this week and earnestly, sincerely tell the world that gun control is a bad idea — then fuck it. Fine. Think that.

But if you can't, because you realise that, shit, maybe arming civilians to the teeth with limited oversight is a bad idea, then you have no goddamn right to tell me otherwise any other day of the year.

Meanwhile, statistical-guru-who-is-depressingly-never-wrong-about-anything Nate Silver tells me that the pro-gun lobby are, long-term, doing pretty well at pitching the issue their way: "gun control" as a term is way down in public debate, while "gun rights" and "Second Amendment rights" are way up.

Well fuck.

So I say we up the ante. Instead of trying to shift the debate back to gun control, we do what this guy says and start talking about massacre prevention.

Do you hear that, massacre lobby? I am going to take your goddamn guns from you. And if you want them back, you can pry them from MY cold, dead hands. Because, holy crap, a tragedy like this should never happen again.

December 14, 2012

Conversations With Greatness CDIX



Heh. C DIX.

December 13, 2012

Customer Serveless

Okay, look. I get that it is the holidays, and probably the one thing that sucks more than going Christmas shopping is being part-time Christmas retail staff. ESPECIALLY in New York City, where you are cast into a bewildering nightmare land of endless, baffling consumer choices, and imperious Manhattan douchebags who treat you like an inconvenient obstacle between them and their orgy of capitalist worship, and hordes of tired, hungry tourists who are possibly the only people in the store more weary and clueless than you are. But this should not have happened in the KITCHEN department at Macy's:

ME* (*ACTUALLY, WIFE PUNDIGRION): Hi. Where would we find sieves?

HER: Is that a brand?

WIFE PUNDIGRION: No. Like... a sieve, you know?

HER: [blank stare]

WP: Like... a really fine, mesh colander?

HER: Okay, I have no idea what y'all are talking about, but let me find out for you.

[WE ARE ESCORTED TO THE CHECK-OUT, WHERE ANOTHER SALESPERSON IS TOLD WE HAVE A QUESTION]

HIM: What can I do for you?

WP: We're looking for a sieve.

HIM: You want to buy a stove?

WP [EYES BUGGING ADORABLY FROM FACE]: No. A sieve. You know, like a fine mesh colander.

HIM [SHRUGGING]: Check the Martha Stewart section.

[WE CHECK THE MARTHA STEWART SECTION, LOCATE SIEVES, WONDER IF WE ARE REALLY THAT WHITE]

[FIN.]

December 07, 2012

December 04, 2012

1,000TH POST EXTRAVAGANZA

That's right, folks: my 1,000th blog post.

Actually, if you count the posts over at ex-Bostonian, it's my 1,608th blog post. And if you count the angry rants about specific people  that I wrote to let off steam and then saved as drafts instead of publishing, it's like my 1,614th blog post. But still! Arbitrary milestones!

Now you're wondering if you were one of the 6 people I was annoyed enough at to write a rant so vitriolic I wouldn't even publish it on my angry blog, aren't you?

ANYWAY, to celebrate, here are my favourite jokes from the last seven years, one from each month plethoric pundigrions has been a thing. Get comfy, after the jump.