December 13, 2012

Customer Serveless

Okay, look. I get that it is the holidays, and probably the one thing that sucks more than going Christmas shopping is being part-time Christmas retail staff. ESPECIALLY in New York City, where you are cast into a bewildering nightmare land of endless, baffling consumer choices, and imperious Manhattan douchebags who treat you like an inconvenient obstacle between them and their orgy of capitalist worship, and hordes of tired, hungry tourists who are possibly the only people in the store more weary and clueless than you are. But this should not have happened in the KITCHEN department at Macy's:

ME* (*ACTUALLY, WIFE PUNDIGRION): Hi. Where would we find sieves?

HER: Is that a brand?

WIFE PUNDIGRION: No. Like... a sieve, you know?

HER: [blank stare]

WP: Like... a really fine, mesh colander?

HER: Okay, I have no idea what y'all are talking about, but let me find out for you.

[WE ARE ESCORTED TO THE CHECK-OUT, WHERE ANOTHER SALESPERSON IS TOLD WE HAVE A QUESTION]

HIM: What can I do for you?

WP: We're looking for a sieve.

HIM: You want to buy a stove?

WP [EYES BUGGING ADORABLY FROM FACE]: No. A sieve. You know, like a fine mesh colander.

HIM [SHRUGGING]: Check the Martha Stewart section.

[WE CHECK THE MARTHA STEWART SECTION, LOCATE SIEVES, WONDER IF WE ARE REALLY THAT WHITE]

[FIN.]

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