May 01, 2012

From Concentrate

Whenever I see a blogger (other than myself) whose output has dropped off precipitously, I think: gosh, poor guy/girl. He/she must have run out of things to say.

TODAY, however, I would like to reassure you that I don't have that problem. In fact, I've still got just as many shot-from-the-hip, ill-conceived rants floating around my head as ever — I just don't have as much time to develop them into shot-from-slightly-above(?)-the-hip, mediocrely-conceived blog posts that I would feel okay putting my name to in a public forum. (Deuelgate really burned me.)

As proof, here are some select rants I would have liked to have gone on, recently:
  • Dear Occupy,

    I agree so completely and painfully with your central political premise that I take no pleasure saying this, but: your stupid angry drum circle is not going to change a goddamn thing. Go get a real job.

    Sincerely,
    A. Ladd
  • My blog continues to get 70 million thousand hits a second from Google referrals for "recycling jokes." It's been a particularly popular search term since I moved to New York City, probably because this place is the biggest recycling joke in the world. (There is one public recycling bin for every 17,000 residents. ONE! Good thing nobody uses more than one plastic container every three years.)
  • Vegans who make fun of anti-abortion activists for their efforts to protect the rights of foetuses. Discuss.
  • Dear New Yorkers,

    How can you live in the most densely populated city in the United States and STILL BE SO FUCKING OBLIVIOUS TO EVERYTHING GOING ON AROUND YOU? I'm looking at you, guy on narrow sidewalk with a golf umbrella (except not really, because you just gouged out my eyeball with your stupid golf umbrella).

    Sincerely,
    A. Ladd
  • Can somebody please tell Apple that not everything is a goddamn iPad and they should stop trying to turn everything into a goddamn iPad?
  • When is the Huffington Post going to give up the charade and just become a fully-fledged porn site already?
  • Dear Occupy,

    I know, I know: you can't get a real job, that's the whole point, banks are ruining the economy, etc., etc. They will still be ruining the economy after your drums get impounded and you spend a night in jail. Discuss.

    Sincerely,
    A. Ladd
Look, if I could afford a therapist, I'd save this stuff for session.

1 comment:

David said...

Arianna Huffington started the Huffington Post after she found out that her husband is bisexual. It's like she's taking it all out on the rest of us. When she looses interest it will become a porn site.

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