March 11, 2012

A Decent Inproposal

From HuffPo Weddings: Bree Maresca-Kramer: 7 Signs He's Never Going To Propose

I want to clarify right off the bat that I didn't get engaged last year and suddenly start reading wedding websites. This link just popped up on my homepage like any other piece of AOL dreck—and since it's been forever since I trashed one of those, and since this one is particularly drecky, I thought: why not?

So, here are some of the seven signs to "help you clarify if he thinks your relationship is for keeps or just fun for right now."
1. He only makes plans for the immediate or short term. He is always ready to make a date for tonight or this weekend but rarely makes plans for the distant future. For instance, you ask him to plan a romantic vacation for next year and he acts hesitantly telling you, "That sounds great, but let's wait until it gets closer before booking the flight and hotel."
Oh my GOD! He doesn't treat a several-hundred dollar trip in the same way as a forty-dollar dinner and a movie? What an immature/emotionally distant/irresponsible asshole etc.
6. He avoids serious talks about the future by diverting your attention. Often a man will do this by trying to make you laugh or engage you in a fun activity.
What a dick! How dare he try and make you laugh or engage you in a fun activity? The only engaging he should be doing is of himself to you, as soon as possible!

Thankfully the article isn't entirely sensationalist and reductive; it also offers some sober advice about what to do if, having followed these incisive diagnostic guidelines, you realize your man is clearly never going to propose.
Before making any final decisions, talk with your man about his long-term intentions. You could broach the subject by saying, "Bob, we have been dating for a year now, I want to check in with you and see where you see our relationship going in the future."
Naturally, this will be most effective if you are actually dating someone called Bob. Also, "we have been dating for a year now"?! Look, I get it, some couples feel close and confident enough to get married after a year (or less). But just because poor Bob isn't ready to propose after a year doesn't mean he's just banging you for fun until his real soulmate comes along. And can we take a minute to appreciate the cognitive dissonance in a worldview where men both (a) bang women for fun with no regard for emotion, and (b) believe there is such a thing as a soulmate and are willing to wait for years to find that true emotional connection? Are men schizophrenic?

Incidentally, lay off poor Bob:
2. He rarely sings your praises to his friends and family. This can be spotted when you are around those closest to him and they say something to the effect of, "Wow, Bob never told us how smart and talented you are!"
Probably because you read the Huffington Post. Earnestly. For relationship advice.

Yeesh.

1 comment:

Claire said...

"What a dick! How dare he try and make you laugh or engage you in a fun activity? The only engaging he should be doing is of himself to you, as soon as possible!"

Sweet line

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