March 03, 2010

Zuma Zuma Zuma

From BBC News: Queen welcomes South African President Jacob Zuma
The Queen and Duke of Edinburgh will formally greet South African President Jacob Zuma at the start of his three-day state visit to the UK.
Oh my GOD. The Duke of Edinburgh, the man who occasionally makes Nick Griffin seem tolerant, is going to meet Jacob Zuma, the man who occasionally makes Bill Clinton seem chaste? Is there anything that could give this situation more comic potential?
The monarch will be joined by Prime Minister Gordon Brown.
YES! The man who occasionally makes David Paterson look charismatic!

SCENARIO A: The Duke of Edinburgh will unleash some horrifically racist comment ("I suppose you have to that many wives with that enormous jungle willy of yours, eh?"), prompting Zuma to impregnate the Queen with his twenty-first child (because, after all, he never uses a condom), while Brown stands there trying to tell a joke about fishing and being generally fucking ineffectual.

SCENARIO B: Brown flies into a rage after the Queen makes an innocuous comment about the state of the British economy, and while he pummels her with a damning Iraq war dossier he keeps in his coat pocket, Prince Philip challenges Zuma to see who can piss farther up Nelson's Column.

SCENARIO C: Zuma disappears from the meeting for almost an hour while he tries to see how many of Buckingham Palace's rooms he can have sex in before being caught, and in the meantime Prince Philip fills the awkward silences by making fun of Brown for being partially blind.

SCENARIO D: [Whatever actually happens tomorrow]

I can't wait!

No comments:

Post a Comment