March 25, 2010

And The Recipient Of Another "Loved It, But Sorry" Rejection Is...

Excerpts From The Notebook of an NBC Screenwriter Developing a Friends Revival

Ross’s iPhone begins to drop calls due to 3G oversaturation in Manhattan, and he spends several hours on hold trying to complain to successively higher executives at Apple. (Bonus: Steve Jobs to guest star... as a customer service rep!) Meanwhile, Joey returns from L.A. to pursue a blossoming internet relationship with a woman in New York whom he’s never met — and who hilariously turns out to be Chandler’s long-running-recurring-guest-star ex, Janice!

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Phoebe discovers that married life is more difficult than she imagined, when she and Mike clash over whether to buy a hybrid car or a conventional one. (Phoebe is anti-hybrid “for the same reasons she won’t get a mule” (ha-ha!)) Meanwhile, Chandler, on his way home from work in an expensive new suit, is mistaken for a Wall Street banker and pelted with garbage, prompting him to try and return the suit with Rachel’s help — and hilarious consequences!

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Reshoot dancing-in-the-fountain footage at the Freedom Tower site? (Probably too edgy. Maybe if it were HBO.)

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Monica and Chandler’s son, now seven, is sent home from school with headlice, causing Monica to fly into an OCD clean-freak frenzy, with hilarious repercussions (inc. several sarcastic remarks from Chandler, TBD). The lice spread to Joey, whose subsequent scratching costs him an audition.

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Fucking Schwimmer says he won’t do it. Replace with Jason Bateman? Jerry Seinfeld? Or do a drastic reboot instead, with the characters as teenagers? Those episodes that flashed back to their youth were always hilarious. (Fat jokes!)

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The recession hits Rachel’s job at Ralph Lauren, where she is forced to perform copier maintenance herself after the office boy is fired. Meanwhile, Monica’s career as a chef takes an unexpected turn when Matt Damon becomes a regular at her restaurant — though her increasingly elaborate (and hilarious) attempts to impress him eventually drive him away. (Bonus: Matt Damon to guest star as Matt Damon.)

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How about a group of six NEW friends who hang out in Central Perk all the time? Like Saved By The Bell: The New Class, only even more hilarious. (Note to self: is Dennis Haskins available for a guest spot?)

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Ross’s son Ben, now seventeen, cheats on his high school girlfriend, prompting a hilarious return to Ross and Rachel’s perennial “we were on a break” dispute. Meanwhile, Joey lands a spot on a new series of The Apprentice. (Bonus: Darrell Hammond to guest star as Donald Trump. Triple synergy!!!)

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Rachel’s cousin comes to stay with Rachel and Ross while her own apartment is treated for bedbugs; Ross accidentally sees the cousin naked, which is hilarious. (Bonus: that Twilight chick to guest star as Rachel’s cousin??) Meanwhile, Chandler hilariously finds his first grey hair. (“It’s not even sexy George Clooney grey. It’s like... lame George Washington grey”; “could my hair be any greyer?”; etc.)

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Possible marketing campaign: I [heart] Friends, but with the NBC peacock instead of a heart? (Also, just Googled Dennis Haskins. He’s really let himself go! Maybe guest spot not such a great idea.)

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Phoebe gets a hilarious new job with a hilariously annoying co-worker. (Bonus: Conan O’Brien Jimmy Fallon to guest star as annoying co-worker.) Joey does something stupid — and hilarious!

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Success! Scwhimmer’s back on board! (Note to self: get Marcie to break it to Seinfeld.)

1 comment:

Mariana's spaceholder blog said...

You forgot to start each note with "The one where..."

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