December 27, 2009

In Which Andrew Rants Further On Official Reactions To The Recent Aviation Incident

From BBC News: US flight delays from British airports after terror bid

First of all, as an extension of my harping on the news media yesterday: what's with the lack of snappy Event Title for this story? I mean, they had "9/11" pretty well cemented after a day or two, and "The Shoe-Bomber" was practically instantaneous — it seems like they should have had this one all wrapped up by now.

Since they're obviously having trouble, though, here are a few suggestions to get the ball rolling:

"The Knickerbomber"
"The Undiebomber/Ted Skivvinski"
"Firecrotch"
"25/12"
"Warmed And Dangerous" (because he was under a blanket, yes?)

By the way, I'm fully aware that I'm now just deteriorating into random underwear puns — but there are so many good ones! Did the FBI debrief him afterwards? Has he been urged to repant or be damned? Is this a new Y-front in the War on Terror™?

Of course, what bothers me most are the new efforts to tighty-whiten airport security in the wake of the Knickerbomber (I'm telling you, that one's going to stick). Passengers aren't allowed to stand up or have any items on their lap (laptops, books, magazines, etc.) for the last hour of flights into the U.S.? What's the plan, to bore the terrorists to death? I mean, the whole liquid restriction thing is inconvenient enough, but now I can't even read an effing book? Why don't we just cut straight to the chase, Department of Homeland Security, and require everybody to board naked and entirely depilated and then pass the flight in a medically induced coma? That would surely be safest, no?

Look, I'm all for not getting blown up on a plane, but as I believe I have said many times before, in various different ways: why don't we focus on not letting known terrorists on the plane in the first place, rather than curtailing my right to read SkyMall?

--

PS. Dear Universe,

Please accept this post as what it is, i.e. an attempt to defuse with humour my renewed and not insignificant fear of dying in a plane crash, and not as an invitation for a horrific karmic mishap involving being seated next to some lunatic trying to light his balls on fire when I fly back to Boston next week.

Warmest regards,
Andrew

1 comment:

Claire said...

I hear being prepared helps people deal with fear. So what is your plan if the guy next to you tries to light his balls on fire? What will you do?

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