September 07, 2009

Channel Five, 21st Century; 21st Century, Channel Five

While I was in the West over the weekend, I was staying in a dinky little hotel in the dinky little town of Mallaig, which, as far as railways and the west of Scotland go, is literally the end of the line. (You've probably seen the line itself, as sections of it double for the track to Hogwarts in the Harry Potter films.)

Anyway, said dinky hotel provided me with a dinky little room in which there was a dinky little TV (gosh, this is beginning to sound like a children's book, isn't it?), and that dinky little TV received precisely one channel: Channel Five.

Now, as anyone who lives in Britain will tell you, Channel Five only has a dinky little bit of class, and I've long given up expecting much from it except low quality softcore porn, Neighbours, and atrocious game shows. Case in point was a programme they broadcast in 2001 called Touch The Truck:
Basic rules: There is one truck. There are 20 contestants. You will touch the truck. You will not sleep. You will get a ten minute break every two hours and a fifteen minute break every six hours. Last one touching the truck wins the truck.
...which, in 2001, I expect was the second most horrific thing you might have seen on your TV.

But I have to say, even I was unprepared for the sheer fuckwittedness of their evening news programme, which lumped together in its headlines: a horrific kidnapping/robbery in London, Robbie Williams' new album, and finally, as an afterthought, something to do with Afghanistan or something. And then:

As the (male) anchor introduced each segment, he would, as anchors tend to do, say: "With more on this story, here's [X]," where [X] is the name of a correspondent. Except that, whenever the correspondent was a man, he would be introduced with [first name] [last name], and occasionally a title, like "Senior Political Correspondent" (not a position it's hard to snag at Five News, I wouldn't have thought, as long as you own a tie). Whenever the correspondent was a woman, on the other hand, she would be introduced by her first name only, as if she was some silk-bloused Fifties secretary ("Jane, get me more on this story, will you?").

Um, hello? Channel Five? Have you heard of the fucking women's movement? Or do you think a glass ceiling is just an awesome way to see up girls' skirts? How about you join the rest of us in 2009 and attempt to at least appear as if you give a shit about equality, huh? Thanks.

On the bright side, Robbie Williams apparently wants to rejoin Take That. Hallelujah!


MalApropos said...

Really? A 9/11 joke? Really?

MalApropos said...

Also, thanks for the feminism.

Andrew said...

9/11? I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. Perhaps I meant George W. Bush's inauguration. Or the New York Giants' decisive defeat in Superbowl XXXV. Or the mass slaughter of farm animals in Britain as a result of the foot and mouth outbreak. Or Steve Martin hosting the Oscars. Yeesh.

Claire said...

maybe I'm just a dumb broad but how does a glass ceiling let you see up girl's skirts? wouldn't that be more like a mirrored floor?

*crosses legs*

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