September 20, 2009

Assault and Battery

Dedicated readers may remember that last year I was tickled a delighted shade of pink to discover that Boston had finally acquired a good, authentic fish and chips place.

Well, I've been considering another trip there sometime soon, so today I Googled it to double-check the address, and came across this review:
Being of Irish and English background myself...and having recently returned from a trip to Europe, I was eager to once again sit down and dive into a plate of fish and chips. My lasting impression is that today was my first and last time going to The Battery. . . .

I ordered the pollack portion, onion rings, and a soda. . . . The batter used, while nice and crisp, had no distinct or special flavor...at least not to a degree where it would separate this restaurant out from any other. It was quite greasy. . . . The tartar sauce was bland and did little to add flavor to the fried fish. . . . I had to actually ask for tartar sauce . . . .

The prefried slabs of haddock just sit out on the counter waiting for someone to order them. Not very appealing...nor is seeing all of the deep fat fryers directly behind the cashier's counter. . . .

The Irishman inside of me hopes and prays that things get worked out for this restaurant in its early phase and that changes are made.
Well, ScottyD, considering that:

1. You find it surprising that fish and chips are greasy

2. You find it surprising that there were prefried pieces of haddock sitting out for people to order

3. You find it surprising that the deep fat fryers were in plain sight

and

4. You asked for fucking TARTAR SAUCE to put on fish and chips

I would submit to you that you have never been to an actual fish and chip shop in your life, and that you in fact have absolutely no fucking idea what you are talking about.

Additionally, considering that:

1. You used the words/phrases "soda", "bums me out", and "awesome"

2. You managed to squeeze the fact that you have an Irish background into your 476-word review TWICE

3. You described yourself as having Irish AND English background (which no self-respecting Irishman would ever fucking do)

I further submit that you are merely an American twat whose grandfather read The Dubliners once, and that your claim to Irish heritage is based entirely on that or some other similarly tenuous connection.

I know I'm being a little harsh, but pal, you were asking for it. If The Battery goes under I'm coming for you first.

1 comment:

vinny said...

That's also how I like my fish: A salt and batter-y.

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