July 22, 2009

Swine Flu Update: Day 98

I never thought I would find myself praising the American 24-hour news cycle, but having returned to Britain I must say that I really do admire how quickly the U.S. media was able to exhaust its swine flu scare-mongering; here in the U.K., the ridiculous alarmism is still going strong — and that brings us to today's exciting instalment of . . .

TRUMP THAT!

Our first contender, from BBC News:
The UN's top health official has opened a forum in Mexico on combating swine flu by saying that the spread of the virus worldwide is now unstoppable.
Hmm, well, "unstoppable" is pretty strong language, I suppose, but I'm sure somebody can

TRUMP THAT!

Next up, from The Guardian:
A six-month swine flu pandemic in the UK could cost the economy about £60bn and extend the recession by around two years, an economic thinktank warned today.
Fuck yeah! £60 billion! Now we're talking! But still, that's only money, after all — there must be some kind of more pervasive disruption we could come up with to

TRUMP THAT!

Like this item, from All Headline News:
British Airways and Virgin Atlantic will not allow travelers with symptoms of influenza A (H1N1) to board their planes unless they have a medical clearance to travel.
That's right, folks, if you cough or sneeze at an airport anytime soon, God help you! Speaking of God, there's a good way to

TRUMP THAT!

See, losing money and disrupting travel plans is one thing, but in this Times piece, it seems like the swine flu might actually screw with RELIGION:
The annual Haj pilgrimage to Mecca could be under threat because of swine flu. . . . Britain today joined a growing list of countries in the Middle East and Africa to issue advice to Muslim pilgrims not to travel to Saudi Arabia.
I don't know, though — in terms of overall disruption to individuals and society alike, maybe we could still

TRUMP THAT!

. . . with this article from the BBC in which we learn:
Ministers have been asked to consider closing schools this autumn to help curb the number of swine flu cases.
School's out forever! But hey, why stop with unnecessarily quarantining children? Let's

TRUMP THAT!

As we learn from The Guardian, we could just avoid children altogether:
The National Childbirth Trust (NCT) advised women to consider delaying pregnancy until the pandemic had passed.
No more babies until the flu has ceased to exist! Because if we stop having babies, eventually the flu will run out of people to infect. Clever, right?

WE HAVE A WINNER!

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