April 11, 2009

Tortured Simile of the Week

From Newsvine: AOL: You've got irrelevancy?

Time Warner is, apparently, thinking of unloading beleaguered internet provider AOL on an unsuspecting buyer, in an attempt to tighten up its balance sheets — and in an emesis-like bout of nostalgia, MSNBC.com writer Suzanne Choney reflects on the company that first groomed America for an illicit meeting in the playground of the internet.

And, yikes, if you think that was an awkward trope, get a load of this one:
AOL’s decline is somewhat like watching the aging of a smart but aggravating uncle who once taught you how to drive, then missed no opportunity to make each car trip a misery with his harping about the way you handle the road. You appreciate what he did for you, but it came at a cost.
Sorry, what?

Choney goes on to list a number of endearing features of the once-great internet giant, such as its user-friendliness, its pant-wetting excitement at the arrival of each new mail message . . .
And who could quibble with the charming 1998 movie, “You’ve Got Mail,” with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan?
Um, hello, Andrew Ladd here. I could quibble with that movie. It was just Sleepless in Seattle with a web browser. And, if I recall, it portrayed Barnes & Noble executives as having even a tiny shred of humanity — ha!

This is the most writerly rant I've posted in a while.

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