NEW YORK — Syndicated talk show host Montel Williams is being replaced by a younger version of himself.MONTEL: How could you do this to me, Montel?
MONTEL: Face it, old man. You're past it. The public needs someone new, someone fresh!
MONTEL: But you're not new! You're just me from the past! The public have seen YOU before! I'm still ageing; I'm a new Montel every day!
MONTEL: Blow it out your ass, Montel. I'm twice the Montel you could ever be.
MONTEL: I knew I shouldn't have built that time machine.
MONTEL: Oh, yeah, THAT'S what you shouldn't have done.
MONTEL: What are you talking about, Montel?
MONTEL: You know what I'm talking about.
MONTEL: I— no... I don't. What's wrong, Montel?
MONTEL: You KNOW what's wrong, you [censored]! This is about you having that bizarre homopersonal affair with an older version of yourself and creating the cloned Montel foetus that would later become me in the past!
MONTEL: Oh... that.
MONTEL: Yeah, that.
MONTEL: I tell you what, let's bring future Montel out and we can talk about this.
MONTEL: Good grief.
MONTEL: Hi, Montels.
MONTEL: Hi honey.
MONTEL: Montel, look: your mother and I—
MONTEL: Oh, for God's sake.
MONTEL: Okay, there's only one way to settle this. Let's bring out the alternate dimension Montel who became a cloning expert and performed the experiment that brought young Montel into being.
MONTEL: I knew I shouldn't have built that alternate dimension machine.
MONTEL: Shut up.
MONTEL: Greetings, fellow Montels.
MONTEL: Nice of you to show up.
MONTEL: So, what seems to be the problem?
MONTEL: Which one of us is Montel's father?
MONTEL: It's me, right?
MONTEL: No wonder my childhood was so traumatic.
MONTEL: Go to your room!
MONTEL: Montel! Don't talk to Montel that way.
MONTEL: See, you always coddle him. No wonder he's usurping you.
MONTEL: Wait... I thought he was usurping you.
MONTEL: Well, I'm the past version of you, so, ipso facto...
MONTEL: You know, we could start a band, or something.
MONTEL: Montel and the Montels?
MONTEL: I'm pretty sure Outkast beat us to that one.
MONTEL: Um, guys, sorry to disturb you, but we've got half a dozen Maury Poviches out here waiting to use the studio.
MONTEL: Did they bring half a dozen Connie Chungs?