October 21, 2008

Choose Your Own Adventure

The U.S. presidential election is now just two weeks away, but polls are still showing many voters undecided. If you're dithering over who should get your vote, here's a quiz that might reveal where your true allegiances lie:

1. If you were at a party with Obama where the senator ended up having far too much to drink, would you hold his tie back for him while he vomited?
A. Yes (+1 point)
B. No (-1 point)

2. McCain needs help moving — where do you draw the line?
A. Grand piano (-2 points)
B. Wardrobe (-1 point)
C. Box of linens (+1 point)
D. Cindy (+69 points)

3. Both candidates come to your house for Christmas dinner. Who gets the last drumstick?
A. Obama (+1 point)
B. McCain (-1 point)
C. It's a trick question, Muslims don't celebrate Christmas (-2 points)

4. Marry, murder, sleep with:
A. Biden, McCain, Obama (+1 point)
B. Obama, Palin, McCain (-1 point)
C. McCain, Obama, Palin (-2 points)
D. Biden, Biden, Biden (gross).

5. You're stranded on a desert island with both candidates. Who do you eat first?
A. Obama (-1 point)
B. McCain (+1 point)
C. Whoever makes the first Lord of the Flies reference (+2 points)

6. McCain:maverick::Obama:______?
A. Hope (+2 points)
B. Change (+1 point)
C. Fist bump (-1 point)

7. If McCain were going out of town, would you water his plants for him?
A. Yes (-1 point)
B. No (+1 point)

8. Futurama marathon on Comedy Central or Obama fundraiser?
A. Futurama (-1 point)
B. Fundraiser (+1 point)
C. Tivo (+2 points)

9. Which word best describes John McCain?
A. Old (+1 point)
B. Experienced (-1 point)
C. Triangular (-2 points)
D. Jesus (-3 points)

10. The candidates corner you outside the voting booth and each promise to break your kneecaps if you don't go their way. Who are you more afraid of?
A. McCain (+1 point)
B. Obama (-1 point)
C. Nader (-9,933,122 points)

If your score is positive, you're probably an Obama supporter; if it's negative, you prefer McCain. If your score, somehow, is zero, you should probably move to Florida.

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