September 01, 2008

Palin Comparison

Oh, okay, I get it: so the Dems have a black guy, the Republicans have a chick, and now come November everyone is going to have to be either racist or sexist. Unless you're a Nader voter. In which case you're both, and kind of a douchebag.

Some facts about Palin:

•At 44 years old, she is three years younger than Obama. Despite that, the average age of the McCain ticket is still over a decade older than Obama. (Full disclosure: the average age of the Obama ticket is actually slightly higher than that.)

•In school, Palin was nicknamed "Barracuda", because of her tendency to savagely attack small fish.

•Palin is in no way related to former Monty Python member Michael Palin, although she still has several pictures of him on her mantelpiece.

•According to the BBC, Palin finally adds "newsworthiness" to the Republican campaign. Ouch!

•Although many have pointed out that, as vice president, Palin will be only "a heartbeat" from the presidency, it is more accurate to say that she will be only "a heart attack" from the presidency.

•Republican strategists hope that Palin will appeal to the several million women who voted for Hillary Clinton, because women are too stupid to tell the difference between liberal feminists and pro-choice nutbags.

•As Palin is a pro-drilling former beauty queen with a son in Iraq, it is scientifically impossible for her to be more all-American.

The end.

[Reflections on Dubai, coming soon!]

1 comment:

MalApropos said...

Well, now, there's nothing more American than unwanted teenage pregnancy. Let's hear it for abstinence-only education! It really, really works!

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