January 31, 2008

I Montelevision!

From Newsvine: Montel Williams' Talk Show to End
NEW YORK — Syndicated talk show host Montel Williams is being replaced by a younger version of himself.
MONTEL: How could you do this to me, Montel?

MONTEL: Face it, old man. You're past it. The public needs someone new, someone fresh!

MONTEL: But you're not new! You're just me from the past! The public have seen YOU before! I'm still ageing; I'm a new Montel every day!

MONTEL: Blow it out your ass, Montel. I'm twice the Montel you could ever be.

MONTEL: I knew I shouldn't have built that time machine.

MONTEL: Oh, yeah, THAT'S what you shouldn't have done.

MONTEL: What are you talking about, Montel?

MONTEL: You know what I'm talking about.

MONTEL: I— no... I don't. What's wrong, Montel?

MONTEL: You KNOW what's wrong, you [censored]! This is about you having that bizarre homopersonal affair with an older version of yourself and creating the cloned Montel foetus that would later become me in the past!

MONTEL: Oh... that.

MONTEL: Yeah, that.

MONTEL: I tell you what, let's bring future Montel out and we can talk about this.

MONTEL: Good grief.

MONTEL: Hi, Montels.

MONTEL: Hi honey.

MONTEL: [censored]

MONTEL: Montel, look: your mother and I—

MONTEL: Father.

MONTEL: Mother.

MONTEL: FATHER!

MONTEL: MOTHER!

MONTEL: Oh, for God's sake.

MONTEL: Okay, there's only one way to settle this. Let's bring out the alternate dimension Montel who became a cloning expert and performed the experiment that brought young Montel into being.

MONTEL: I knew I shouldn't have built that alternate dimension machine.

MONTEL: Shut up.

MONTEL: Greetings, fellow Montels.

MONTEL: Howdy.

MONTEL: Hi.

MONTEL: Nice of you to show up.

MONTEL: So, what seems to be the problem?

MONTEL: Which one of us is Montel's father?

MONTEL: It's me, right?

MONTEL: No wonder my childhood was so traumatic.

MONTEL: Go to your room!

MONTEL: Montel! Don't talk to Montel that way.

MONTEL: See, you always coddle him. No wonder he's usurping you.

MONTEL: Wait... I thought he was usurping you.

MONTEL: Well, I'm the past version of you, so, ipso facto...

MONTEL: You know, we could start a band, or something.

MONTEL: Montel and the Montels?

MONTEL: I'm pretty sure Outkast beat us to that one.

MONTEL: Um, guys, sorry to disturb you, but we've got half a dozen Maury Poviches out here waiting to use the studio.

MONTEL: Did they bring half a dozen Connie Chungs?

MONTEL: Perv.

MONTEL: Prude.

MONTEL: [censored]

[Fin.]

No comments:

Post a Comment