Herouxville, which has one immigrant family in its population of about 1,300, is 160km (100 miles) north-east of Montreal.The author of the new rules, councillor Andre Drouin, denies they are racist, saying "I eight racist stereotypes. Some of my best friends, dey are Muslehm. Pretee progresssif, hein?" Mr Drouin then excused himself, explaining that he was needed urgently at a pea soup eating contest taking place at the local church-cum-grain silo.
Its council published [its] new rules [governing acceptable behaviour] on the town's website.
"We wish to inform these new arrivals that the way of life which they abandoned when they left their countries of origin cannot be recreated here," the declaration reads.
"We consider it completely outside norms to... kill women by stoning them in public, burning them alive, burning them with acid, circumcising them etc."
Meanwhile, in Montreal, a police officer is under investigation for writing a song called 'That's Enough Already', a hip-hopera ballad featuring the lines "We want to accept ethnics, but not at any price . . . If you're not happy with your fate, there's a place called the airport." The police department are apparently concerned that the officer may have plagiarised the lyrics from an early Celine Dion B-side.
Also, the legally-mandated-when-discussing-Canada pot joke: immigrants are told no-one can be stoned in Canada? That's a laugh!
My work here is done.