September 19, 2007

Should've Pict On Someone Their Own Size

After the cultish following that emerged around John "Dinnae Fuck Wi' Glasgow" Smeaton earlier this year, Scotland has increasingly been revealed as a hotbed of vigilante justice. Who knew?

First, just a few weeks after the attack on Glasgow Airport, was the story of Mohammed Afzah, a former bodyguard to the Pakistani Prime Minister who now, naturally, runs a corner store in Edinburgh.
A knife-wielding robber … ran into the Edinburgh shop owned by Mohammed Afzah … and demanded money.

Mr Afzah immediately adopted his martial arts stance and shouted "I'm ready - come on" at his assailant …
The robber swiftly fled, leaving Afzah chuckling triumphantly to the theme from Dragnet.
The suspect is described as being white, about 6ft tall, aged between 30 and 35, with short brown hair and an Edinburgh accent.
Oh no! A white guy with an Edinburgh accent is lurking somewhere in Edinburgh! What's the police line-up going to be, a satellite photograph? A Hearts match? A haystack?

Then there's the story of Helen McAdam, a seventy-one-year-old who single-handedly foiled an armed bank robber back in February.
Mrs McAdam described how she spotted a security guard being held up at gunpoint as he was about to load a cash machine with money.

The guard handed over a cash box containing £19,000.

Mrs McAdam said she lost her temper…

She said: "I tried to hit him with my handbag. I was angry. When I swung it he was away like a shot."

Mrs McAdam then chased Carlin and memorised the make and colour of his getaway car and a partial registration.

She handed the details in to Tesco before carrying on with her shopping…
The supermarket was having a seasonal promotion on cans of whup-ass.
In court Mrs McAdam referred to the security guard who handed over the money box as "a wimp."

… Mrs McAdam was said to be relaxing at a beauty salon for her weekly hair appointment as Carlin was led away to begin his sentence.
Okay, so maybe two incidents doesn't constitute a "hotbed", but seriously, it's like the whole country is slowly becoming an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger.

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