June 04, 2007

Blitzerkrieg

Man, it's late and I'm tired and I should really be going to bed, but dammit! The Democrats have inspired me more in one night than I have been in the last few weeks put together.

I should clarify, by "inspired" I mean enthusiastic about blog-writing, not optimistic about the state of US politics. Zing.

From Newsvine: Democrats Clash on Iraq, Health Care

On Sunday night, eight Democratic presidential hopefuls lined up for a spirited two-hour debate and a taping of The Weakest Link.



Moderator Wolf Blitzer didn't shy away from tough questions, grilling Senator Clinton on what role her husband would play in a new Democratic White House. (She said he would be made a "roving ambassador", presumably because he can't stay in any one country for too long without making it unbearably perfect.) Bizarrely, Blitzer went on to ask the same question of all the other candidates; apparently Bill Clinton now comes with the White House in the same way that Fonzie came with Al's.

Most of the other candidates gave similar answers, endowing former President Clinton with titles such as "peace envoy" and "goodwill ambassador". Only Obama declined to answer the question, obviously still smarting from Clinton stealing his title as The First Black President. "I can be just as good a President as Bill Clinton ever was," said Obama. He then proceeded to demonstrate by groping Hillary:



Sadly, however, the debate was overwhelmingly characterised by the negative campaigning, backstabbing, and anal retentive recital of Senate voting records that seems to make up about 95% of American political dialogue these days. All that was lacking were a couple of cries of "flip flopper!"



After the debate, a Tang and Doritos party was proposed by the Democratic Party's equivalent of the high school Chess Club.



Needless to say, each of them received a wedgie from John Edwards, who then went off to smoke weed with Hillary and Obama in the back of his brother's van.

Aah... I feel much better.

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