May 27, 2007

Sinking Feeling

I will fully admit to feeling stultifyingly uninspired this week in general, and tonight in particular. However, I will take my customary five minutes to pan the latest summer blockbuster, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End.

Ahem.

More like Pirates of the Caribbean: At Wit's End! Am I right? It was the most confusing two hours and forty-seven minutes of my life. The filmmakers make absolutely no attempt to remind viewers of the key points from the (already ridiculously convoluted) plot of the previous film, instead launching straight into a tangled web of double, triple and even quadruple-crossings that make an average season of 24 look like Goodnight Moon. I honestly, without any hyperbole, had no idea what was going on for most of the movie.

Also, crikey, for a movie with prepubescents as a key demographic, it is pretty gruesome. The opening scene is a ten-year-old being hanged! And then that segues classily into a scene about looking at Keira's genitals without her knowing. Nice, eh? Why not just go the whole hog and throw in a gang rape or two? Kids these days can handle it, obviously.

So, in conclusion: even worse than Spiderman 3. In fact, apart from Keith Richards's cameo, pretty much the only redeeming feature in the whole three hours (which, seriously, is a ridiculously long time) is that I got to eat popcorn.

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