April 25, 2007

Just Don't Ask Where He Keeps His Refried Beans…

From WFTV Orlando: Captain America Arrested With Burrito In Pants
Doctor Raymond Adamcik, 54, would probably rather forget about the weekend when he was arrested on charges of battery, disorderly conduct, drug possession and trying to destroy evidence. It's not what you would expect from a doctor or Captain America.

The Palm Bay family physician was at On Tap bar as part of a pub-crawl with other medical professionals. It was a sort of costume party on a bus that would take them around from bar to bar.

Everything was fine until, witnesses said, Captain America started getting too forward with a burrito he kept tucked inside his blue tights, a burrito that ultimately landed him in jail.
While I have to admit that there is sort of a genius mother lode of Mexican-food-related double entendres that could be made while having a burrito stuffed in one's pants, I'm not sure any of them would really be appropriate as pick-up lines (and they certainly wouldn't be appropriate for me to list on the blog that my family reads, so I'm afraid you'll have to get your sophomoric kicks elsewhere).

The story, in any case, gets even better.
Police said Adamcik had a burrito stuffed below the waistband of his costume and was asking women if they want to touch it. When one refused, he allegedly took out the burrito and groped her.

The woman called police and, when they arrived, the officers wrote in their report "there were so many cartoon characters in the bar at the time, all Captain Americas were asked to go outside for a possible identification."
What, they couldn't just pick out the one with a burrito stain around his crotch?

I can't even begin to come up with anything that's funnier than this story by itself. To be honest, I'm still only 90% convinced that it's not a hoax. Especially considering how well-documented the arrest was. There's actually a picture of the burrito. It is freaking hilarious.

Ahem.

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