April 01, 2007

Martians Are From the UK, Venutians Are From Iran

For those of you who haven't been following Iran Hostage Crisis: The Empire Strikes Back, the Beeb provides a good rundown of the two opposing viewpoints:
IRANIAN VERSION OF EVENTS
1. Royal Navy crew stray 0.5km inside Iranian waters
2. Iran gives set of co-ordinates to back up their claims
3. According to seized GPS equipment, the Royal Navy crew had previously entered Iranian waters at several other points
4. Iran informs Britain of the position where the crew were seized, inside Iranian waters

UK VERSION OF EVENTS
1. Crew boards merchant ship 1.7NM inside Iraqi waters
2. HMS Cornwall was south-east of this, and inside Iraqi waters
3. Iran tells UK that merchant ship was at a different point, still within Iraqi waters
4. After UK points this out, Iran provides alternative position, now within Iranian waters
Are the UK and Iran dating?

--

Iran: Um, what do you call this?

UK: [belch] What?

Iran: This. [Holding up a towel]

UK: It's my towel, baby.

Iran: I know, and you left it on the bedroom floor again.

UK: No I didn't.

Iran: By Allah, are you really lying to my face about this?

UK: Baby, I didn't even take a shower this morning, okay? So how could I have left it on the bedroom floor? Now come on, come over here and give me some sugar.

Iran: I don't care if you didn't take a shower! It was on the bedroom floor, okay? And it didn't just crawl there by itself!

UK: You're so cute when you're angry.

Iran: I mean, are you suggesting I put it there? Why would I do that?

UK: Yeah, sheik it baby.

[Fin.]

--

Some of the captured British soldiers have also appeared on Iranian television to apologise for entering Iran's waters, though experts speculate that these statements were made under duress.

Nathan Thomas Summers appeared on Alalam television and said: "I would like to apologise for entering your waters without permission."

He then continued: "I do not miss Bart at all," while one of his fellow captives remarked: "B'oh!"

--

Where's an Algerian diplomat when you need one?

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