December 14, 2006

Tall Tale

From Newsvine: World's Tallest Man Saves China Dolphins
BEIJING — The world's tallest man saved two dolphins in northeast China by reaching inside of them with his 3-foot arms to remove plastic they had swallowed, state media and an aquarium official said Thursday.
Is it just me, or does this sound like it would more convincingly read as follows:
Chuck Norris once saved two dolphins in northeast China by reaching inside of them with his 3-foot arms to remove plastic they had swallowed.
The story continues:
Attempts to use surgical instruments to remove the plastic failed because the dolphins' stomachs contracted in response to the instruments . . .

Veterinarians than decided to ask for help from Bao Xishun, a 7-foot-9-inch herdsman from Inner Mongolia, state media said.
Their conversation, of course, went something like this:

Vet 1: Well, I'm scuppered.
Vet 2: Me too. Let's leave these dolphins to die and go read the Guinness Book of Records.
Vet 1: Wait… What was that noise?
Vet 2: I don't know. It kind of sounded like logic expanding to fill a vacuum.
"Some very small plastic pieces are still left in the dolphins' stomachs," Zhu Xiaoling, a local doctor, told Xinhua. "However the dolphins will be able to digest these and are expected to recover soon."
Bao is thrilled that he was able to help save the aquatic creatures, telling media, "I've finally found my porpoise in life."

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