September 09, 2006

Jolie Good Show

From The Bryan-College Station Eagle: Brad Pitt: I'll Marry When Everyone Can
NEW YORK (AP) — Brad Pitt, ever the social activist, says he won't be marrying Angelina Jolie until the restrictions on who can marry whom are dropped. "Angie and I will consider tying the knot when everyone else in the country who wants to be married is legally able," the 42-year-old actor reveals in Esquire magazine's October issue.
Um, sorry, but I'm going to call bullshit on this one. Here's what I think happened:

Angelina Jolie: Braaaaadddddd...?
Brad Pitt: Yes, Angie?
AJ: Braddy-poo, I've been thinking... Why don't we get married?
BP [spitting out his fair trade soy latte all over his left wing newspaper]: I, uh— what?
AJ: Why don't we get married?
BP: Well, I, uh— sure, Angie, that's a great idea, it's just that, uh...
AJ: It's just that what?
BP: Well... Oh, it's just that [nervous chuckle]... I mean, what sort of message does it send if we get married, while thousands of Americans are just, uh... languishing in unmarriable homosexualhood? Yes, that's right.
AJ: What do you mean?
BP: Well, I just think it would be fairer to everyone if we refused to get married until gay marriage is legalised.
AJ: Oh, Brad! You're so romantic! I'm going to go give another third world child a stupid name, to celebrate!
BP: Okay, honey, you do that.
AJ: And then I'm going to start planning our wedding, straight away, just in case the conservative president and Republican-controlled senate legalise gay marriage anytime soon! [AJ exits]
BP: Heh-heh-heh. Pitt, you sly dog. You've still got it!


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